Reconciliation Safety Plan for Wives Who Filed a Civil Protection Order Against a U.S. Army or Air Force Husband in Colorado Springs or Pueblo

By: Matthew C. Clawson | Divorce Attorney

Reconciliation after filing a Civil Protection Order is one of the most emotionally complex decisions a wife can face. When your husband is an active duty soldier or airman stationed at Fort Carson, Peterson, Schriever, Buckley, NORAD, or the United States Air Force Academy, the layers of military discipline, command involvement, housing concerns, and family stability make the process even more delicate. You may still love your husband, want your family together, and believe the relationship can be repaired, yet you also know that the behavior or incident that led to the protection order cannot be ignored or minimized. Safety must come first, no matter how much you hope the marriage can heal.

A Reconciliation Safety Plan gives you a structured and thoughtful way to evaluate whether rebuilding the relationship is appropriate, safe, and emotionally healthy. It helps you move step by step, instead of making decisions based on guilt, pressure, fear, or emotional intensity. This process is not about choosing between love and safety. It is about ensuring that any steps you take toward reconciliation truly protect you and your children while giving the relationship the chance to improve in a healthy way.

The first part of your safety plan is understanding your emotional readiness. Protection orders are rarely filed casually. Something happened that caused you to feel unsafe or overwhelmed. Before considering reconciliation, pay attention to how you feel in your body when you think about contact with your husband. If your heart races, your stomach knots, or your mind becomes overwhelmed, that is valuable information. If part of you wants to reconnect, but another part fears things might return to how they were before, that is also important. You are allowed to feel conflicted. You are allowed to take your time. You do not owe anyone immediate answers. Using counseling, chaplains, Family Advocacy, or a trusted therapist can help you sort through these feelings without pressure.

The second part of the plan involves understanding the legal boundaries that are currently in place. A Temporary Civil Protection Order prohibits contact until a judge modifies or lifts the order. You cannot simply choose to speak with your husband. He cannot contact you under any circumstances, even if you want to communicate. Only the court can change the order. If he reaches out to you as a way of fixing things, he risks arrest, loss of rank, UCMJ punishment, and permanent damage to his career. Respecting these boundaries protects him as much as it protects you. If you want contact, the proper approach is to talk with an attorney about requesting modification rather than dismissing the order entirely. Modification may allow peaceful communication, counseling, or structured contact while still maintaining necessary safeguards.

The third part of your safety plan involves assessing the behavior that led to the protection order. Reconciliation can be healthy only if the issues that caused the conflict are addressed openly and honestly. This may involve alcohol use, anger, stress from deployment or military duties, mental health concerns such as PTSD, poor communication, or patterns of escalating conflict. Your husband may need time to participate in counseling, anger management, or substance treatment before contact becomes safe. You cannot rebuild what broke unless both people understand how it broke in the first place. Reconciliation is not about forgetting the past, but about ensuring that the past does not repeat itself.

The fourth part of your plan is creating a safe structure for gradual communication if the court allows it. Early conversations should take place in calm, controlled environments, not during moments of emotion or stress. You may want to begin with written communication, short phone calls, or communication through counseling sessions. Your attorney can help you present a proposed structure to the judge during the hearing. Many wives choose modified orders that allow peaceful contact, participation in counseling, or supervised communication about children. These options provide stability while giving both spouses breathing room.

The fifth part of your safety plan is preparation for the protection order hearing. If you want reconciliation, you must appear at the hearing. Judges will want to hear from you directly. You should be prepared to explain your reasons for filing the order, your current concerns, your desire for safe and structured reconciliation, and the steps you believe will protect your well-being. Judges respect honesty and clarity. They do not expect perfection. They only need reassurance that your request is voluntary and informed. If you fear pressure from family, command, or your spouse, you should tell your attorney immediately so you receive support that protects your decision-making.

The sixth part of the reconciliation plan involves understanding military involvement. When a service member is the subject of a protection order, his commander may issue a Military Protective Order, require counseling, remove him from the home, or temporarily suspend certain duties. Even if the civilian court modifies the order to allow contact, the command may still require time, counseling, or safety steps before allowing him to return to normal life. The military’s focus is always on safety, stability, and accountability. A slower, structured approach to contact can actually support long-term reconciliation by allowing both spouses time to heal and build trust.

The seventh part of the plan involves financial and housing stability. You may still rely on his income, Basic Allowance for Housing, TRICARE benefits, or childcare assistance. Filing a protection order does not eliminate his obligation to support you or the children. If you live in base housing, security forces must be notified. If communication is prohibited, your attorney can help you request financial information or temporary support through safe and legal channels.

The eighth part of the plan involves children. If children were present during the conflict or are listed on the protection order, rebuilding the relationship requires even more caution. Children sense conflict deeply. They may have fears or confusion about what happened. Structured communication plans, gradual reintroduction, and counseling support may be appropriate. Reconciliation must occur in a way that protects children’s emotional and physical well-being.

Finally, the last part of your safety plan is long-term pacing. Reconciliation is not an event. It is a process that unfolds over time. You may have moments of doubt and moments of hope. You may move forward one month and pause the next. You are allowed to set boundaries that protect your emotional and physical safety. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to expect accountability and growth. Healthy reconciliation cannot be forced. It grows when both partners feel safe, supported, and committed to change.

If you have filed a Civil Protection Order and want to reconcile with your active duty husband while maintaining safe boundaries, our office can guide you through modification requests, hearing preparation, structured contact planning, and military-specific considerations. You deserve clarity, safety, and compassionate support. Contact us confidentially to discuss the safest and healthiest path forward for you and your family.

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Matthew C. Clawson, Colorado Family Law Attorney
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Legal Disclaimer- This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this content or contacting the attorney does not create an attorney-client relationship. Legal decisions and outcomes depend on the specific facts of each case. Colorado laws may change, and you should consult a licensed attorney for advice tailored to your circumstances. No guarantee is made regarding the accuracy or completeness of the information provided.