How to Stop an Attorney Spouse From Controlling Your Divorce
By Matthew C. Clawson, JD, MBA | Colorado Family Law Attorney
Divorcing a lawyer is difficult. Divorcing a lawyer who uses legal knowledge to intimidate, manipulate, or control you is even more challenging. Attorney spouses understand the legal system. They know how to apply pressure, how to delay disclosure, and how to make a spouse feel powerless.
But Colorado law does not allow your attorney spouse to control the divorce.
You have powerful legal protections, financial transparency requirements, and court-backed remedies that can stop this behavior immediately. This guide explains how to recognize controlling conduct and how to take back control of your divorce.
1. Signs Your Attorney Spouse Is Controlling the Divorce
• Blocking access to money
Your spouse limits spending, closes accounts, or controls every bank transaction.
• Withholding disclosures
Attorney spouses often delay or hide financial documents to gain leverage.
• Using intimidation or threats
Statements like:
- "You cannot do that"
- "The judge will punish you"
- "You will lose everything"
These are strategies designed to create fear and compliance.
• Overloading you with legal filings
Excessive motions, emails, or lengthy legal arguments can be used to overwhelm you.
• Controlling communication with professionals
Your spouse tells the CPA, the financial advisor, or even the realtor not to speak with you.
If these behaviors feel familiar, it is time to intervene.
2. How To Take Back Control When Your Spouse Is a Lawyer
A. Hire your own attorney immediately
Your spouse may be a lawyer, but they cannot and must not advise you. Their ethical duty is to themselves, not to you.
B. Demand full financial disclosures
Colorado Rule 16.2 requires complete transparency. Your spouse does not get to pick and choose what you are allowed to see.
You are entitled to:
• Bank statements
• Credit card statements
• Brokerage accounts
• Business records
• Tax returns
• Retirement accounts
• Real estate documents
C. Use subpoenas to bypass your spouse entirely
If they refuse to cooperate, your attorney can subpoena:
• Banks
• Employers
• CPA firms
• Investment firms
• Business partners
• Retirement plan administrators
D. Seek sanctions for misconduct
The court can impose attorney fees or other consequences when one spouse, especially an attorney spouse, acts in bad faith.
E. Freeze assets if necessary
If your spouse is moving money or hiding assets, your lawyer can request immediate court orders to lock accounts and stop transfers.
3. Leveling the Financial Playing Field
If your spouse controls all the money, you have options. Colorado courts can order:
• Temporary spousal support
• Access to marital funds
• Attorney fees
• Exclusive use of the home or vehicle
You do not have to rely on your spouse for financial survival.
4. Staying Safe Emotionally and Strategically
Attorney spouses often rely on fear and power imbalance. Protect yourself by:
• Keeping communication in writing
• Avoiding direct negotiations
• Not reacting to intimidation
• Documenting everything
• Staying focused on facts, not threats
Once you have your own experienced legal team, the dynamic shifts in your favor.
5. When Court Intervention Is Necessary
Court involvement may be required if your spouse:
• Hides assets
• Refuses disclosure
• Blocks financial access
• Threatens or intimidates you
• Misrepresents the law
• Uses procedural tactics to overwhelm you
Judges take attorney misconduct seriously and will intervene to restore fairness.
Companion FAQ: How to Stop an Attorney Spouse From Controlling Your Divorce
1. Can my attorney spouse give me legal advice during the divorce?
No. They cannot represent you or provide legal advice. Ethics rules prohibit this due to direct conflict of interest.
2. What if my attorney spouse is hiding financial documents?
Your attorney can issue discovery, subpoena records, and request sanctions. Colorado requires full disclosure.
3. Can my lawyer spouse transfer or hide money?
No. Temporary injunctions prevent transfers, concealment, or dissipation of marital assets.
4. What if my attorney spouse intimidates me using the law?
Their threats have no legal authority. Only your attorney should provide direction.
5. Can my spouse contact the judge privately?
No. Private communication with a judge is prohibited.
6. What if my attorney spouse controls all money?
The court can order temporary support, access to funds, or attorney fees.
7. Can the court punish attorney spouses for misconduct?
Yes. Courts can impose attorney fees, sanctions, or contempt findings.
8. Should I keep communication documented?
Yes. Written communication protects you.
9. Can I subpoena law firm income records?
Yes. Business and financial records are often discoverable.
10. Is it safe to negotiate directly with my lawyer spouse?
Usually not. Allow your attorney to handle negotiations.
11. What if my attorney spouse refuses mediation?
The court can order participation and impose consequences.
12. What if my spouse is using the children as leverage?
The court can intervene with parenting evaluations or protective orders.
13. Should I gather documents before filing?
Yes. Collect tax returns, statements, and account information.
14. How do I protect myself emotionally?
Limit communication, document everything, and rely on your attorney.
15. When should I hire a lawyer?
Immediately. Do not navigate a divorce alone when your spouse is an attorney.
You Do Not Have To Face a Controlling Attorney Spouse Alone
We can be reached at www.clawsonattorney.com, and Matthew can be contacted directly at Matthew@clawson.law. For more information about our top-rated legal services, fill out our online form or call (719) 602-5888 to schedule a free initial consultation.